YarnFoodCoffee

Proof that Chuck Norris is Certifiable...

I heard on the radio today that Chuck Norris (yes, the guy that can eat just one potato chip, or kill two stones with one bird) wants to run for president.  But not President of the United States, oh no.  He wants to be President of Texas.

Let me explain.

Mr. Norris believes that President Obama's administration has made itself an enemy to the state of Texas, and that Texas should secede from the Union.  Again.

WHAT?!?!

Here's the story from Associated Content

(I'll let you guess what my opinion is about the subject for now.  I'll go into more detail at a later date):

Being a Texas Ranger Just Isn't Enough Anymore

Chuck Norris is seeking presidential power, but not of the United States, he wants to be in charge of Texas. After being on Glen Beck's radio show, Chuck Norris wrote on his blog at World Net Daily that he, "I may run for president of Texas."

Norris is famous for his long action movie career and his television series, Walker Texas Ranger. Not only that but he is an internet icon, sparking a website called Chuck Norris Facts a site that will randomly produce "facts" about the action hero such as "If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money then you."

But why does the 80s action hero think that Texas would even be searching for a President? It has after all been a state since 1845. Norris believes the current national government has become "the enemy of the state".

Not one to sit down and take such perceived 'evil' Chuck Norris thinks many states will get frustrated with Obama's administration and eventually secede from the United States if things continue, but that Texas will lead the way. And why will Texas lead the charge in succession if this comes to such action? Norris wrote, "Anyone who has been around Texas for any length of time knows exactly what we'd do if the going got rough in America."

Norris quoted many of our Founding Fathers and then made points illustrating that our current government has gone off track. For example, he quotes Thomas Jefferson discussing the government will not create perpetual debt and then reminds us of our current recession.

After this, Norris asked how much more can America take? He also wondering, "And, when that time comes, will our leaders finally listen or will history need to record a second American Revolution?"

"You never grow up..."

"...you just learn to behave in public."

Words to ponder.  More on this later.

Accents, Immigration, and Growing up an Immigrant's Child

Sorry I've been away so long, my life has gotten rather stressful and hectic. But more on that in a later post. Here's a post I began months ago, and never finished, until now.

I've often been asked where I come from, mostly because of my attitude, but also because of my accent; no one can pin me down to any one U.S. region. I think this is due partly to the fact that I constantly change my choice of words, trying to improve my speech, I've lived in and visited many different parts of this country (and others), and also because my parents came from two very different worlds.

My mother is the youngest in a large immigrant Dutch family from Friesland (frees-laan), a very norhtern part of the Netherlands. Friesland has a rather confusing array of names, which have changed within the last ten years, but I've been brought up calling it plain old "Friesland," so that's what I'm sticking with. The area has its own special dialect, called "West Frisian (freesian)," which turns out to be closely related to English, and a saying goes, "Bûter, brea, en griene tsiis; wa't dat net sizze kin, is gjin oprjochte Fries", which translates to, "Butter, bread, and green cheese, whoever can't say that is no upright Fries." (For those that know Germanic pronunciation, notice the similarities in pronunciation, such as "tsiis" and "cheese," and "oprjochte" and "upright.")

Mom came to the U.S. when she was about 3 years old, and because her parents were busy learning English, she never really learned Fries or even Amsterdam Dutch (Beppe—Fries for "Grandma"—knows both.)

Dad was born to a first-generation Greecian-American family in Ohio, somewhere near Cleveland, and, because I grew up around him, I never realized that he had an "East Coast" accent. Mr. Man pointed that out to me one time:

Your dad is from the East Coast, right?

No. Why?

He has a really thick accent.

He does?

Mr. Man is from different backgrounds, too. His mother is from Korea, and came to the States when she married Mr. Man's father, who is British and Mexican, and maybe something else thrown in.

What a multi-cultural couple we are.

Quesadillas with a side of... wait, that's not quacamole!

So lately I've been trying to replicate these awesome veggie quesadillas I had at the local farmers markets. I figured it was just beets, braising greens, onions, mozzarella, and some kind of hot sauce. So yesterday I picked up some greens at the market (but no beets, sold out fast!) I made them last night for dinner. Just finely slice the onion, sautee in oil, add the greens, and cover, shaking occasionally until they're nice and wilty. Uncover, add some hot sauce, and shake the pan around. Then move the greens to the side of the pan and place a tortilla in the pan. Cover it with cheese, top the cheese with the greens, add more cheese, top with another tortilla, and brown both sides. Slice and serve. SO GOOD!!!

So about 15 minutes ago I got hungry, and decided to make another batch! But as I was adding hot sauce and shaking the greens, what did I find in the absolute center of the pan but a CATERPILLAR!... and not just any old caterpillar, but a brownish-colored, slimy one... cooked to perfection.

EWW! was my response, but I tried to make the most of the situation, since I hate to throw away food, and flicked the little bugger into the trash using a spoon. I finished making the quesadilla, trying to convince myself that it would be ok, that I could handle eating this after finding a bug in it. I plated my food, sat down, took a bite and swallowed, and noticed the taste was off... like there had been a caterpillar demi-glaze. I tried to take another bite, but spat it out onto the plate, and threw the whole thing away.

I'm not hungry, anymore.

Oh, yeah. By the way...

I moved.  Last month.

Yeah... kinda slipped my mind to mention it here.  Ah-haha.

New projects begun, and some older ones almost finished, and the results of an experiment—complete with human [self] testing.  Yay!  Updates soon, promise.

The Filicidal Tendencies of a Western-Washington Knitter

A story recently circulated the media about a Carnation, WA woman starving her 14-year old step-daughter almost to death. The step-mother allowed the girl only one-half cup of water each day, locking the girl in the parents' bedroom at night so she couldn't sneak out and drink more water. The step-mother did these things—and admitted to doing so—to punish the girl, claiming she had behavioral problems. The level of dehydration caused the girl's teeth to rot to the point of needing extraction or caps. Both parents were neglectful towards the girl; the last time the girl was seen by a doctor was at least 3 years prior, and the father claimed he ignored the water-restrictions because he thought that the step-mother/daughter could "work it out themselves." Oddly enough, the girl's 12-year old brother suffered no noticeable neglect, had seen a doctor within the last 2 years, and the family's 2 pet dogs had recently been taken to veterinary appointments.

When CPS took the girl to the hospital for treatment, she was 4'7" and weighed 48 lbs. In other words, she hadn't physically matured since the age of 10. Thankfully, her foster father has reported a 20-lb weight gain in the girl in the month since she came to live with him, and she is attending a private school and making fast friends, with no signs of psychological or social disorders.

Thank the gods.

One aspect of this tale has been blown completely out of proportion by some reports:

the step-mother was an avid knitter, at one point blogging about a stash sufficient to complete 72 projects. This is absurd, seeing as not every whack-job with dependents (biological or step-children) does not need or have a hobby, and the hobby does not designate extreme mental illness and the capacity to do harm against a child of the same sex as the antagonist.

At the risk of sounding cold and disconnected (and a wee bit hoity-toity), I believe it's about biology at the most basic, primal, and unemotional level. Looking at the scenario from an animal-behavioral perspective, the stepmother sees the girl as competition for her mate's (the father's) attention. This explains pretty much every instance of conflict in step-parent/step-child relationships, also taking into account current social phenomena (cell phones, TV, fashion, etc.) But this woman has gone beyond any rational human behavior, careening in the direction of filicidal tendencies. In conclusion, Ladies and Jellyspoons:

the woman's a nut job who doesn't know how to handle having a teenage step-daughter except trying to kill her, and needs to go away for a VERY long time... without any yarn. See how she likes THAT punishment.

[Amazing what one can learn from human behavior by taking an animal behavior class. Does that mean the term "inhuman" is flawed?]

I have been brushed by fame...

That's right. Yours truly has met the infamous Yarn Harlot, Stephanie Pearl-McPhee. AND I GOT TO TAKE A PICTURE WITH HER, HOLDING HER SOCK!!!

*SQUEEEEEE!!!!*

...I'm such a stalker.

More much later.

How to get the worst, vegetable-hating carnivore to love veggies!

My Man hates vegetables. He really and truly does. Big boy that he is, he hates them as much as any 6 year-old, but occasionally eats them when I've covered them with cheese or garlic or gravy, because he knows it makes me happy.

But, I've found a way to make him eat his veggies, and enjoy it! Add bacon. It's not the healthiest trick, but it works great if you have a lot of cabbage lying around and a very picky carnivore. I tried this about a year ago, but forgot to post about it, and, true to form, forget where I found the recipe.

1 head of cabbage, shredded
1 c. stock, chicken or beef work great
1/2 - 1 lb. of bacon, chopped
salt

Fry up the bacon in a deep, enameled cast-iron pot (or whatever heavy-bottomed pot you can manage), then remove from the pan. Pour in the chicken stock, then toss in the cabbage, cover, and bring to a boil. It should wilt down really well, and if you sprinkle the cabbage with a little course salt it will speed up the process, since the salt draws the moisture out of the cabbage. Uncover, give it a good stir, and then stir in the bacon. Serve as a side dish to some roast pork, beef, or chicken. Just try to stop them from having seconds!

100 Things

Since it's been so long, and since it pleases me, I'm repeating the Omnivore's 100 Things List, found here.

Copy this list into your blog, including these instructions. Bold all the items you’ve eaten. Strikethrough any items that you would never consider eating. Underlind anything you've never eaten, but would like to. Bold and Strikethrough what you've had, but never want to again.

venison
nettle tea
huevos rancheros
steak tartare
crocodile
black pudding, aka boudin noir— Dee-lishus!
cheese fondue
carp
borscht— So easy to make, and very comforting on a rainy winter day.
baba ghanoush— Love eggplant and middle-eastern food, but this just doesn't do it for me.
calamari
pho— Perfect for curing a cold/hangover.
PB&J sandwich— Are you kidding?
aloo gobi— I actually hate cauliflower, but hide it in this, and I'll eat it.
hot dog from a street cart— Best ones are from Times Square.
époisses— Don't do stinky cheese.
black truffle— Had it as infused oil and as a flavoring in a celeriac soup. Yumm.
fruit wine made from something other than grapes— Melomel, and mead. Mmm... mead...
steamed pork buns— Mee Sum Pastry in Pike Place makes the best ones.
pistachio ice cream
heirloom tomatoes— Best kind there is.
fresh wild berries
foie gras— I know, it's so anti-eco conscious/neo-hippy, but how can I know if I hate it if I don't try it (plus, there are free-range foie gras producers, now!) [Edit: Had it as part of an amuse-bouche at Licorous. Oh.dear.GAWD is it wonderful!]
rice and beans— Traditional style, and also rice and chili, apparently popular in S. America.
brawn, or head cheese
raw Scotch Bonnet/Hanañero pepper— Yeah... don't really have a death wish. K, thx.
dulce de leche— In ice cream... mmm.
oysters— Cooked (blech.) and raw (yum!)
baklava— Raised on it.
bagna cauda
wasabi peas
clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
salted lassi
sauerkraut— Again, raised on it.
root beer float— Raised on that, too.
cognac with a fat cigar— Yeah, had to try it. Been there, done that. Prefer the cigar alone.
clotted cream tea
vodka jelly/Jell-O— Does a Jello Martini count?
gumbo— Oh yeah!
oxtail
curried goat— Had goat tacos, though.
whole insects
phaal— Hottest curry on earth? I'd try it.
goat’s milk— I heart goat.
malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more— Cured myself of whiskey, thanks.
fugu— Every time I try to get a hold of it, something gets in the way.
chicken tikka masala— Yum.
eel— Love it.
Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut— Used to have a strong addiction to them, hot off the rollers.
sea urchin— Had some that was not-so-fresh once, but willing to try again.
prickly pear— Oh gods, yes!
umeboshi— I have it in the fridge.
abalone
paneer
McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
spaetzle
dirty gin martini
beer above 8% ABV
poutine— Ambrosia of the gods.
carob chips
s’mores
sweetbreads
kaolin— Don't know what it is.
currywurst— One of my weaknesses... must find a new Frites vendor on Cap. Hill. This one's on Leary.
durian— Tempting, but when they're cut open they smell like sewage. Not cute.
frogs’ legs— It's not easy being green.
beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake— Pretty sure I've had all four.
haggis Just one of those things you have to try, just to say you've had it.
fried plantain
chitterlings, or andouillette
gazpacho
caviar and blini— Not a huge fan of blini, but sustainably-raised caviar is nice.
louche absinthe— I have a bottle, partially consumed. I hate anise, so unfortunately for me, this is not something I'll be partaking of again.
gjetost, or brunost
roadkill— Do I look like the spawn of Ted Nugent?
baijiu— Don't know what it is
Hostess Fruit Pie— My Man loves 'em.
snail— Escargot is yummy (and, surprisingly, the same as the ones in your garden.)
Llapsang souchong
bellini
tom yum
Eggs Benedict Only my absolute favorite breakfast food. Next to pancakes. And hashbrowns.
Pocky— Oddly addictive.
tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant Only if the portions are decently-sized, i.e., more than a bite.
Kobe beef— Nothing special.
hare
goulash
flowers
horse I want a pony [in a pasture, not on a plate.]
Criollo chocolate
Spam— Can you say "spam musubi"?
soft shell crab
rose harissa
catfish
mole poblano
bagel and lox— Not just for New Yorkers.
Lobster Thermidor— Lobster is good as is, with lemon.
polenta— Yuck.
Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee— Don't really care. I get my coffee from a local business.
snake— Only if starving... in the desert... and I already ate my camel and drank the water from it's stomach. Snakes are cute.

Surefire Cure for a Lousy Day

1. Have a much needed heart-to-heart with a dear and beloved friend. Hi, K!

2. Prep dinner while having the teeniest sip of your favorite beverage.

3. Eye that decadent 9.7 oz. bar of 62% cocoa semi-sweet Scharffen Berger you bought for the express purpose of making this.

4. Promptly hack off a large chunk, and gleefully watch chemistry and physics play out as the friction from the knife melts the chocolate, making your job easier.

5. Lick the fruits of your scientific research off your fingers.

6. Wrap said chunk of unadulterated bliss in paper napkin to avoid a gooey mess.

7. Laugh out loud [but quietly] at the absurd position your slumbering Man has taken. [Think puppy dog laying on its back, with its front legs up in the air, paws hanging, and its rear legs akimbo. Too cute.]

8. Lightly nibble at the chocolate for a few minutes, realize you don't need it, and watch your favorite TV show online, without commercial interruptions (Thank you, YouTube!)

I hope you're having a lovely evening, and Happy Friday!